Why I'm nervous

The big and small of it

Friends!!!!!

The countdown has begun! In three months, on Tuesday, July 30^th, my newest book will be birthed into the world. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I am feeling all the feels: excited, delighted, expectant, anxious.

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL IT COMES OUT!

THREE. MORE. MONTHS.

But people, I'm nervous.

I'm not nervous that the book isn't going to be well-received, because I've had so many people tell me that of the nine books I've written Wild, Willing and Wise is by far their favorite book.

Nope, my nervousness is about something much bigger.

Or really much, much smaller.

I've been wrestling with it for days.

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Wild, Willing, and Wise: When to Paddle, When to Rest, and When to Jump Naked into the River of Life is a joyful, light-hearted book that goes deep in an easily digestable way.

This book actually started off as a serious, challenging memoir about the messy process of learning how to end relationships cleanly. I spent a couple of years studying memoir writing, creating index cards of stories and experiences from my entire life, and reading memoirs at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I spent hours moving paragraphs and chapters around, found the heroine's journey arch of the story, and finished the first rough draft of this still unnamed book.

But as I was wrestling with the emotional content and learning a new kind of writing, my business coach kindly said to me: “Is this really the book the world needs right now and the book you want to be writing?”

I took a couple of days and realized that indeed, no, the world probably didn't need a serious-ass book right now in the middle of so much unpredictable chaos. And I didn't need to be struggling with the heartbreaks of my past and a pandemic and trying to keep my business going.

So I pivoted. And started working on a book that regularly had me laughing out loud.

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My last book, Warrior Heart Practice, came out January 2020. I did three book signings in New York, Austin TX, and Davis CA, then went to Mexico to teach as information about something happening in China was figuratively and literally moving through the airwaves.

Like all of us, I thought my year was going one direction, and suddenly everything shifted.

Now, as I get closer to launching another book, I'm surprised to discover that in some curious way my brain has linked book launch = pandemic. As in: when this book comes out what if something terrible happens in the world and we all get shut in again?

Of course, I know this is just fear, what I call disaster mind hard at work to be ready for the worst-case scenario. But some young part of me wants to know for absolute sure that everything is going to be okay when Wild, Willing, and Wise is birthed on July 30th.

That part of my brain wants to know that my upcoming two month, 21 city tour is going to go off without a hitch.

And that nothing eventful will happen the day the book launches.

That part of me also wants to know that there will be no more wars anywhere in the world, that the climate emergency will be resolved, and that all the people who don't like me will magically become my best friends.

That part of me also wants an end to world hunger, to go back two years and have the wildfire never be started on that windy day, and for everyone everywhere to always get along.

Yup, my inner “I'll only engage in life if it goes exactly the way I think it should go” is a wee bit activated.

All of this points to one thing to do.

I need to read my own book and take a spoonful my own advice.

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… flips through Wild, Willing, and Wise, does the quick survey, discovers that I’m out of balance with my wise energy. Re-reads the section on actions to balance excess wise and return to compassion … remembers to stop trying to control life and return to the flow.

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Next week is the one year anniversary of Out of the Fire! I’ll be sharing a round up of articles and resources, and starting the new Out of the Fire podcast. Yay!

On May 16th I’ll host the first Out of the Fire zoom call for paid subscribers… If you are not a paid subscriber join now to be part of this intimate zoom gathering. : )

Paid subscribers: below is paywall is the writing from Wild, Willing, Wise that helped me get out of fear and back into self-compassion.

Blessings to all!