Finding Balance in the Lovely Chaos
Self-Care, Contradictions, and Embracing it All #6 of 6
As I’ve been writing about self-care over the past five weeks here on substack, I have been integrating and putting into practice much of what I have been sharing. It is working! At this moment in time I’m almost caught up on all email, I have a consistent daily practice, my to do list and calendar are organized, I have a spreadsheet of upcoming articles to write, I just outlined the chapters for my new book, and I’m actively doing something I’ve wanted to get back to for 20 years: pottery.
Each day I review my structures, do something nourishing, honor maintenance, and do something challenging.
I feel centered, happy, and proud of myself.
I’m also very aware that this feeling of being caught up is temporary.
There will be some form of lovely chaos in my future that will upend the balance I’ve found today.
And that is how it should be.
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Because life is dynamic, mysterious, and uncontrollable.
True self-care is not about reaching a static place of perfect ease and effortless flow.
True self-care is about continually creating, dismantling, and recreating from a place of presence with what is.
Sometimes we need more rest. Sometimes we need to buck up and do the hard thing. Sometimes we need to pull back, review, and assess. Sometimes we need to get more steady with our daily maintenance.
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To find the balance we need to be present and honest with ourselves, AND have mentors and guides and people we are inspired by to help us stretch and grow.
When we are present with where we are and where we are going — knowing that lovely chaos will happen — we can relax when our best-laid plans get scrambled. And we can then lean into: which aspect of self-care do I most need now? What guidance and support do I need?
There will be joyous upsets and heart-breaking tragedies. There will be the ecstasy of completing a long-visioned project and frustration of something breaking down or flopping. There will be things birthing and things dying. Beautiful beginnings and harsh endings. Harsh beginnings and beautiful endings.
And everything in between.
Right now I’m nestled in what I call my winter writing retreat house. This is my third January staying in the second story of a house by the waterfall in Woodstock, New York. Here I’m responsible for feeding myself and writing and teaching my online courses. I have two writing spaces: I’ve converted the dining room table into a big altar / desk, and I have a small stand/sit desk in a narrow hallway with a window that overlooks the waterfall. There is a bathtub with plenty of hot water, and I can walk to my favorite coffee shop in approximately three minutes if I take the long route.
It is a sweet bubble, very necessary for me to cultivate the focused discipline needed to write a book.
And it will not last. Nor is it meant to.
In March I’ll drive back to New Mexico. I’m planning to pick up a puppy or two along the way (more on that later!) which will definitely create some major happy chaos in my days for a bit. Pupppieees!!! I’m also going home to steward our community 180-acre wilderness retreat center which includes large-scale building projects and massive land restoration post-wildfire. Then there is the ongoing home repair projects, running a business, organizing work parties, crafting and teaching an in-person apprenticeship program, retreats and workshops, travel, online programs, writing, and time with friends. Oh, and finding time for myself in all that as I train a puppy or two.
Life is dynamic. Stop looking for it to be static, or to get to the end of your lists.
Come back to circular self-care that spirals inward and outward, always moving and changing with life.
Instead of trying to get somewhere, keep arriving. Be here.
Soften. Breathe. Call in your circle of self-care.
Put one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly.
“What do you need now, sweetheart?”
Let yourself be held by the elements and the cycles.
Then feel; which of the four aspects of self-care do you need now?
Here is the full self-care series!
#1
#2
Air: Clear vision, clarity, and structures
Self-care requires having a clear vision and the discipline and structures to focus on what you really want
#3
Fire: Cozy nourishment, rest, and renewal
Without the warmth of good rest and receiving beauty we can burn out and become brittle.
#4
Water: Creative flow, maintenance, and commitment
So much of our days are really about maintaining things over time; here our self-care becomes a ceremony rather than drudgery.
#5
Earth: Courageous boundaries, doing challenging things
This is one of the most important parts of true self-care: moving past resistance, procrastination, and fear to COMPLETE HARD THINGS!